You Have to Listen for Opportunity's Knock
You’re just lucky.
When my friend said this to me recently I detected a distinct hint of disdain — or at least snark — in her voice. We had been discussing my recent invitation to travel to Bangladesh as part of a delegation with the Richardson Center for Global Engagement. I was attempting to dismiss or deflect questions about how I received such an opportunity — feeling awkward about the honor.
I was immediately defensive. And annoyed.
“I’m not lucky!” I thought. She knows me well enough to know that the last few years have been rough for me. Sure, there have been plenty of moments of beauty and good fortune, but those have been balanced by poor choices, health diagnoses, and repeated experiences of loss.
Life is hard. There’s no getting around it. It can be a downright brutal experience — even when it is also a beautiful one. As I’ve written about before, the last few years of my life have left me feeling like I’ve been getting beaten from all sides.
Even when things are going pretty darn well, it can feel like there is something else knocking me down and leaving me gasping for air. As a result, this last year especially has filled me with doubt, with worry, and with feelings of indescribable loss. None of which makes me feel lucky or fortunate in any way.
Over the years, I’ve learned how to put in the work to get through these kinds of difficult times — go to therapy, take care of myself, and put my head down to press on and move forward. But still this summer and fall, I felt a sense of frustration and negativity that didn’t quite feel like me.
As I wrote the article mentioned above, I likened this period of melancholy, introspection, and the resulting negativity, to an existential midlife crisis. Looking back, it’s clear that even as I worked through new ways to view this time in my life, I was holding onto the negativity, to what this struggle and challenge meant for who I am, what I want to be, and how I understand my role in the world.
In short, I had a chip on my shoulder. A grudge against life and circumstance and struggle.
In the midst of this period of just feeling worn out by life, my friend told me I was lucky. And I couldn’t let it go. I thought about that comment for the next few days, ruminating on my defensiveness and feeling motivated to justify how I deserve the opportunities I’ve received and that life isn’t easy.
Eventually, though, I realized she was right.
I am lucky. I am an incredibly privileged, fortunate, lucky person. In more ways than I can possibly count.
Yes, life has gotten harder as I’ve gotten older. I’ve experienced a myriad of plain old shitty circumstances. But I am still lucky, even beyond being born into a privileged family.
When I think, however, about the times in my life that seem luckiest, they seem to be more abundant, more prolific, and just more magical than when I am not just aware of my luck, but am actually celebrating it. When I have faith in my good fortune and gratitude for it, rather than constantly looking for the next shot across the bow, blow to my ego, or loss in my life.
When I believe in the goodness of the world and the people in it, I am happier. I put out a more positive energy. My heart and mind are open to chance encounters. I’m more likely to strike up an engaged conversation with someone I don’t know or smile at a stranger on the street.
Sometimes it’s those conversations that turn out to be those moments of kismet, like when my Lyft driver and I started chatting about life and work and 2 weeks later she became our incredible content marketing manager.
In turn, the doors of positive opportunity are just more likely to open when I’m expecting them. Or perhaps, I’m just more likely to notice that the door is ajar and edge my way in.
Luck isn’t something that simply happens to you — especially not without your active participation. You have to keep your eyes open for those chance encounters and keep listening for that proverbial knock at your door. Sometimes the knock is so soft that luck requires you to trust what you heard and run out the door and down the hall before it has a chance to flee.
But if you have faith those good things can and will happen, and that you deserve every little miracle the universe has to offer, you won’t just notice when they do, you’ll also seize the opportunity that comes along with them.
In 2020, I vow to be the person always on the lookout for the beauty, goodness, and plain old luck that life has to offer. Join me.
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